Tara Vanflower: The Smol Bear Interview

Poet, author, lyricist, musician Tara Vanflower is best known as the ethereal voice of Darkwave legends Lycia.

Tara, your journey with Lycia began in October 1994. How did you find your way to this particular sound, this blend of the ethereal and the melancholic that defines darkwave?

Lycia as an entity was well developed prior to my involvement. I was a fan first, and remain a fan of Mike’s to this day. I think the combination/culmination of life experiences and our collective interests just lends itself to darker elements.

I'm always curious how artists find their niche, that unique space where their creativity truly flourishes. The band can well be considered one of the foundational and formative bands for both the ‘90s development of Darkwave and later Ethereal Wave. What keeps that "weird drive" inside of you that makes you have to continue?

I can’t speak for the other members of Lycia, but for myself it’s this sense of losing time. We’re dying every second we’re alive and I feel like I can’t just quit. Fight the dying of the light, and all of that. I don’t do a lot of music these days, and Lycia is on hiatus. It’s a weird feeling not being active musically. I do have other projects, but something always feels like it’s missing when Lycia is asleep.

Beyond Lycia, you've also carved a distinct path with your solo work, albums like This Womb Like Liquid Honey and My Little Fire-Filled Heart. These albums have been described as experimental, even genre-defying. How does your approach to creating solo music differ from your collaborative work with Lycia? What freedoms or challenges do you find in venturing out on your own, sonically speaking? Do you have any plans to ever record another solo album?

When I’m working within the Lycia framework I know it’s a collective. So there’s a different sense of priority and obligation, as well as working within other people’s tribal domain. It’s a cohesive, collaborative, vision. There’s sense and order to it, a structure. One can’t throw a wrench into that machine, so to speak. When I wrote my solo albums I threw away any structure. There were no rules. There was no prior framework, no preconceived notions, no obligations. I am also not a traditional musician, so even trying to attempt a structure is pointless for me. I kind of see my music as more just storytelling. As if I’m taking my words and creating an audio movie with them. I want you to hear what I see in my head, much the same way I craft a world through writing. Music is me telling the audio story, writing the soundtrack… writing books is writing the story. All of it is my attempt to convey what’s inside my head, what’s playing on the screen in there.

Shifting gears, let's talk about your writing. You're the author of the Violet series, among other works. You've mentioned that the first book, Violent Violet, stemmed from a vivid dream. Can you elaborate on how that dream translated into the story? What is it about dreams that sparks your creative process?

I have always been a very vivid dreamer. I’ve gotten a lot of ideas from dreams, even daydreams. The first Violet book was sparked by a really detailed and movie-like dream I had one night. As I was recounting it to Mike I just quit halfway through and decided I would write it instead. No one wants to hear someone else talking in detail about their dreams! But of course as the story unfolded it became much, much larger and more elaborate, but the premise was still there tucked inside. Many snippets in my books/lyrics stem from dreams, or real life events that felt very dreamlike.

When did you first start writing? Does your music inspire your writing?

I started writing as a teenager. I think the first “big thing” I wrote was a Lost Boys fanfic. HAHAHA It was actually several hundred pages long and well thought out. I wish I still had that! But my friend would spend the night in high school and we would write these fun stories back and forth about adventures we wished we had. I had notebooks full of these stories and others that I would write myself, along with poetry. It has always been about escapism in one form or another. Music does not inspire my writing, it’s more the other way around. Except in the case of Lycia, or other collabs. Then the music comes first and inspires the vision.

I am always curious to learn about the genesis of a creative work, the spark that ignites the imagination. As you have said, "I love writing and am very passionate and devoted to my characters. My goal is to give them justice, to tell their story in their voice and in the detail they deserve, and to recreate their world as accurately as possible. I want you to know them as well as I know them."

These people and their world is very, very real to me. I would not go as far as to say they’re tulpas, but they’re real enough that I feel them around me. Sometimes I picture certain characters pacing back and forth in my mind waiting for me to come and talk to them again because they have so much to show me. Others sit quietly, waiting their turn. Still others awaken new every day and I feel rushed to get to them first. Violet, in particular, is standing with her arms crossed over her chest tapping her foot as we speak. She doesn’t like to be ignored and she has A LOT to say.

Many of your stories delve into the darker aspects of human existence, exploring themes of fear, mortality, and the supernatural, particularly vampires. What draws you to these themes? What is it about vampires that fascinates you? Is there a particular allure to these creatures of the night?

I have been bizarrely cognizant of the march towards death since I was a very small child. Every second is a lost moment and it tortures me if I look too closely at it. I used to sit and make myself cry thinking about all of this stuff when I was a kid. I panic myself often in the middle of the night. The reality that one day I picked my son up for the last time and didn’t even realize it when it happened. That one day will be the last this, that, etc. That everything I wanted to be when I was young is too late to achieve. Etc Etc. on and on. So yeah, I have always been morose. Time means absolutely nothing to a vampire, nor does sickness, or human obligations and rules. I think that’s probably while they appeal to me. They’re here, but separated from the human world we’re forced to endure. I don’t know, man. I am all about escapism.

Are vampires your favorite monster? How do you bring "human" quality to the vampires you write about?

Vampires are absolutely my favorite. Just like human beings, vampires are just as varied. I think if you had years and years, sometimes thousands of years, worth of experiences you would have to become tortured mentally. You would have to become enlightened. And on the flipside, maybe numb to it all, angry, filled with rage and hate. The range would be every bit as all over the place as it would be for humans, but MORE because of the gift of time. I would like to think a creature who observed it all would evolve and have insights more broad, and with more depth, than we could achieve in the paltry amount of allotted time we’re given. But I suppose there’s also something to be said for the naivety of youth. None of us really knows anything. Anyone who thinks themselves wise is a fool. My vampires like to torture themselves. But that’s no doubt a reflection on the person telling their story.

I'm also curious as to your thoughts on the work of the other musicians and dark fiction authors in the book, including Poppy Z. Brite, who wrote the Foreword, Carmilla Voiez, Nancy Kilpatrick, John Shirley, Caitlin R. Kienan, Kari Lee Krome of the Runaways fame, your mentor Jarboe, Athan Maroulis of Black Tape for A Blue Girl and Spahn Ranch, and, of course, David J. Haskins, who although he doesn't appear in this book (aside from a blurb), provided an original poem to my William S. Burroughs tribute.

This is kind of an odd question for me because I don’t really have opinions about other people and their work, or who they are, etc. I don’t know any of them on a personal level, outside of Jarboe, who has been a blessing in my life for decades. I really don’t focus on what other people are doing for the most part. I’m just over here in my little corner doing my own thing. I support everyone following their own path. I am a big supporter of EVERYONE creating. We all have the capacity. It’s other humans who convinced us otherwise.

Your poem/song lyric, "Death, My Love," appears in my anthology White on White: A Literary Tribute to Bauhaus. What was your inspiration for this particular piece? It's a striking and evocative work, and I'm interested in the story behind it.

This was truly an homage to my youth and the time I spent learning about this seductive dark music world. In particular, moments with one particular friend who introduced me to so much of the music that shaped and changed my life then. I could picture it in my head as I listened to Bauhaus and wrote. The dark, smokey rooms, music playing, feeling like life meant something. It was exciting then. Everything was new to me. Long before I had any idea I would ever make music myself one day.

Finally, in this digital age, social media has become an integral part of an artist's life. What are your thoughts on the role of social media for artists and musicians? What do you think is the best thing about social media for artists and musicians and conversely, what is the worst? How do you navigate the challenges and opportunities it presents? What is the downside? What platforms do you find most useful for connecting with your audience? And of course, are there any ridiculous stories to share?

I would say the benefits and the downfalls are probably actually one and the same! I love connecting with people, but connecting with people can also lead to really awful things. The best and worst of the internet. I have a security system and cameras all over my house because of this bullshit. But on the flip side I’ve met so many incredible people. I think it’s great because as an artist you’re no longer beholden to a record label etc to shape your vision and control it. I can go do it myself. I can release music on Bandcamp, or publish on Amazon, or any other number of platforms, and have zero input from some entity second guessing or attempting to control me, with their fingers greedily taking the bulk of the pie for themselves. No one can tell me “you need to change that cover because my girlfriend doesn’t like it”. I can do it all myself and sink or swim on my own. I won’t be controlled artistically. This is why I don’t pursue putting shackles on myself. I’m probably never going to reach any sort of success because of it, but at least it’s all me, good and bad. I have a million ridiculous stories I could share! And I think I like Instagram the best because it’s basically all visual. It feels like there’s less drama on that app, or maybe that’s just the piece I carved out for myself.

One final question: you told me you were excited about multiple forthcoming collaborations, which you can't really talk about. What is most attractive to you about collaborative work?

I find it intriguing to bounce ideas off other people. I especially love tip-toeing into someone else’s world. Especially if it’s a world I’m not normally crawling around in. It’s funny because I think I get pigeonholed as this sort of “ethereal” type, but in my real world I don’t particularly connect to “nice” music. I listen to more dark and aggressive music than I do “heavenly”. That’s one of the reasons I’m particularly happy with the heavier projects I’ve had a chance to partake in through the years. People have a lot of misconceptions about Lycia in that regard due to marketing from past labels. My own voice betrays me in this regard too. But back to collaborating, I love working with other people with different visions who come from the same/similar place. Sometimes just talking about a subject with someone will spur ideas hidden in the depths. Or you can utilize parts of yourself that aren’t really appropriate in other outlets.

Thanks so much for doing this interview!

Thank you for giving enough of a fuck to ask! :)

Tara Vanflower with husband Michael VanPortfleet (Lycia)